Leah was the daughter of Laban, the sister of Rachel, a wife of Jacob, and the mother of seven of Jacob’s children.
Leah was first mentioned in the Bible story of Jacob. After Jacob tricked his father and stole his brother’s birthright (Gen 27:1–29), he was forced to flee to the home of his uncle Laban in Haran. There Jacob fell in love with Laban’s younger daughter, Rachel. “Leah had dull eyes, but Rachel was shapely and beautiful” (29:17)
As I attended Genesis Yonsu, I was put in a group bearing the name “Leah.” Then I did a reflection after the retreat. If the only adjectives used to describe me in a story were that I had dull eyes, well, I wouldn’t feel very good about myself. How does this sit with you? Do we still tend to prioritize the qualities we notice about ourselves or others on physical characteristics first? I have paid attention to my outward appearance since high school because I had atopic dermatitis, a form of eczema. It had nearly covered most of my face and body. I was scarred and have suffered. I called myself “dull”. I was ugly. My grades dropped. I couldn’t focus on my studies. I was a straight A student in junior high school. I was a perfectionist. I wanted my life in order. But it was chaos. I felt alone.
When I attended a charismatic retreat after high school graduation, I did not want to open myself to God. A friend of my mom sponsored me to attend. I heard the talks but I had already closed my heart to him. I was ugly before him. My skin was literally dried and broken. I felt God had abandoned me. Two year later, I was “forced” to attend this charismatic retreat. This time, my sister paid for this retreat. I went to the retreat with the mindset I had two years ago: closed-minded. But something happened. The volunteer who gave his testimony on his salvation touched me. It hit me hard….It was during the silence period, where I begin to reflect on myself and my relationship with God. During the laying of hands, something happened. I can’t explain it. I’ll probably won’t understand it either but it happened. All the anger built inside of me because of my ugliness. I let it go and let God in. I was in darkness but he pulled me out. All my past sins…forgiven. All my anger…poof. Gone. There I was, his beloved son, needing to be embraced by his merciful love. He was there, waiting for my desire to be open. To be okay of not being okay. My “dullness, average, ugly side of me”. God accepted me.
Leah was “dull”. In spite of how Leah was treated by her husband and sister, God blessed her richly in the form of motherhood. But there was more. Her fourth son, Judah, became the father of the line through which God carried out his covenant with Jacob’s grandfather Abraham. God had promised that one day all people would be blessed through Abraham’s seed (22:17–18). This blessing came in the form of Jesus Christ, who came as the sacrifice for the sin of the world. Jesus was of the tribe of Judah and therefore a descendant of Leah.
From that night, July 4th, 2009, I was born again in the Spirit. I couldn’t care less about my skin and continued life. That night, I asked for fortitude. And looking back, Jesus gave me the courage to step up my game. Jesus does not lift the burdens from our life, but the anguish from our heart. He does not take away our cross but carries it with us. And with him every burden becomes light because he is the comfort I sought. My grades at school got better. I started to serve my community by teaching catechism. An opportunity opened and I grabbed it.
Looking back I’ve realized this. God stood by me, blessed me with many gifts. I am creative. I have great penmanship (for a guy). I am kind. I am patient. I give support. I pray for my friends. I am a f***ing awesome friend to have. Saint John Henry Newman once said, “I am created to do or to be something for which no one else is created, I have a place in God’s counsels, in God’s world, which no one else has. Whether I be rich or poor, despised or esteemed by man. God knows me and calls me by my name.”
There is not another Luis Martin Choi in this world. That’s who I am. I was too self-conscious of my ugliness. But now I don’t. I am confident. Just the way God created me when he first created him in His image. St. Paul said to the Ephesians, “for we are God’s masterpieces. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (2:10).
I am a masterpiece.
P.S. My skin healed in 2014. It turned out not atopic dermatitis, but a fungal infection. I was treated by oriental doctors and they told me it was atopic dermatitis. That’s where my parents took me. One January in 2014, I went to a general hospital for a eye problem and the doctors referred me to their dermatology clinic. The dermatologist did a skin biopsy and three months later, my skin was as clean as a newborn baby. Feels wrongful to suffer for ten years, you know? But thanks be to God, I was healed!
